When I was born, I think someone misplaced my instruction manual. Maybe it got lost in the diaper bag or flew out the car window on the way home. Or maybe it got thrown out with the old receipts. It’s a good thing they knew all the basics like diaper changing, feeding and bathing me.
I represent the faces you encounter on a daily basis. Children, youth, young adults and even elders that hide behind the smile that covers the scars of despair, globally. Fooling everyone with the illusion that everything is okay. The face that you pass by in the hall at school, on the streets, even at church. The jock, the loner, most popular or beautiful. The beaten or raped daily, molested, rejected and abandoned, defiled and emotionally murdered.
This manual that would explain everything? Lost. The instructions would show them how to speak life and words of encouragement, inspire and build up the gifts in me that prepare the path to the purpose destined for my life.
It would mention that I was not an accident, but a gift. It would explain that I was fragile. All through my younger years I was told that I was stupid and not worthy of anything great. Fat or ugly and would never get married. No one would or could ever love me.
Predators? Is that an animal? Ghost? Two headed creature? As a teenager I learned what a predator was. In fact, it was something I got accustomed to, whether I liked it or not. Right or wrong this demon worked itself into my life. Though I couldn’t talk about it, shame and guilt built a house and moved right in.
No one can read the subliminal messages that are displayed or maybe they just refuse to acknowledge what they see. Sometimes it’s not on our faces, but covered up by the clothes we wear. Accidentally or carelessly, it’s revealed. We cry out for help through the cutting of our wrists or wrong behavior because that’s all we know. We are told we are worthless and won’t amount to anything. Where did the manual go? Too many have lost it, or are too lost themselves that they are not looking for it.
I turn to magazines on beauty to help me. Diet pills to make me a weight that is acceptable by others. We have eating disorders and sexual addictions. Drugs to make this world disappear or finding friends that are going through a similar pain that we are in our everyday lives. If not that, I think I just want to die. The burden is unbearable as I wish this to be the last day to live. I’ve lost my identity.
I disguise the unforgiveness, hurt, bitterness, uncontrollable anger and hate with a smile. I just want to be loved for who I am. I want to be cherished, not rejected. If I make a mistake, please be patient with me.
Help me to find who I am. Guide me to my destination. Love me unconditionally so I can also display that example to others. Help me to make right choices that leads me to the right path.
I want to be that voice that helps to change lives. Where hopelessness turns into hope, and death becomes life. Where acceptance can thrive where rejection once poisoned. I need to reverse what and how I think. I want to be that voice that thunders where the lies and deception resided. I want to rise above the storms that keep me in this bondage. I want to search for that book and help others to climb out of this misery that I got accustomed to.
As I sat in the middle of this turmoil, in the stacks of books, there it was. My manual. Through the years that I’ve been alive, just sitting on the shelf. Dust on it like its never been opened. There it was. I opened it up. Overwhelmed with joy and feelings that were not felt since I was a little baby. I became alive. Everything that I needed to know about me was in this manual.
A second chance.
I am the face of Grace!
“If you return,
Then I will bring you back
You shall stand before Me
If you take out the precious from the vile
You shall be as My mouth
Let them return to you,
But you must not return to them
And I will make you to this people a fortified bronze wall
And they will fight against you
But they shall not prevail against you
For I am with you to save you
And deliver you.” says the Lord
“I will deliver you from the hands of the wicked
And I will redeem you from the grip of the terrible.”
– Adi Sherman
A Message by Jobyna Beth:
I have the great privilege and honor to be returning to Nepal Feb 9th-23rd, to go back to the rescue homes that I helped open and see Gods treasures that he rescued out of slavery and encountered with his extravagant love.
It is my heart to see 100 girls receive this story made into a scroll, which will be wrapped in gold and purple ribbon meaning royalty and given a gold and silver necklace where pounded into the medal the word will be the word PRICELESS.
So we can see every girl not only know they are priceless but daily have a constant reminder.